Back In Black - Day 6 (Saturday)...

My parents bought the kids surfing lessons just down the street, and given how stiflingly hot and muggy Saturday turned out to be, I'm glad we scheduled the morning session.

Izzy being the third baby, and I being a more chill version of myself, it's really not that hard to get out the door with her. I tend to travel pretty light with her (and in general), and I don't really sweat the notion that I might not have packed every last thing as long as we're in a fairly developed area.

But getting an 11 and 13 year old out the door on a weekend, fed and ready on time for an 8:45 AM surf lesson while getting a wiener dog who suffers from a ridiculously serious case of separation anxiety ready to be home alone for a couple of hours is pretty much herding cats.

Regardless, the kids had fun. Specially Joey, who seems to have taken an interest in the kinds of sports in which you balance yourself on a moving board. Skateboarding and surfing are totally manageable for now since they're a) fairly high return for the investment in equipment and b) convenient given where we live.

We'll not let him in on how fun snowboarding is just yet because snow sports... well, that gets real spendy real quick.

BREAKFAST

was a bowl of Cinnamon Pecan Special K with a few extra candied pecans thrown in. I don't put much milk in my cereal because I hate milk with all the little bits of cereal and flavoring swimming in it. As a matter of fact, I find the notion of drinking milk as a beverage kinda gross.

I'm sure it has something to do with growing up in an Asian household in which the only dairy product I was ever given as a child was Yakult, which, if you've never had it, tastes more like juice than milk. I also didn't learn to like cheese until I was a young adult.

LUNCH

was a Spicy Salmon Poke bowl made with that salmon I got at 99 Ranch seasoned with chili garlic sauce, soy, sesame oil, lime juice, cilantro, and chopped serranos, topped with daikon sprouts and julienned cucumber.

Sometime between lunch and snack, my parents came over to visit for the weekend with a box of Church's Fried Chicken in tow for their lunch. Ever since we introduced her to it, my mom has become addicted.

SNACK

was about 20 longans that I also bought from 99 Ranch. When it comes to eating fresh produce, I pretty much eat with abandon and to my heart's complete content.

DINNER

It's always a treat for the fam when Dean makes ribs, and Saturday was no different.

Actually, I can honestly say they were more delicious this past Saturday than all the other times he made them and they were delicious. He changed up his technique from smoking to a low and slow oven roast followed by a short sizzle on the grill, and he put a new cola twist to his always delicious Bourbon BBQ Sauce.

My Thousand Island Slaw and corn muffins on the side.

Washed down with a Diet Coke. I don't drink soda all that often, but every once in a while, specially when it's hot, I crave bubbles like mad, and I'd rather eat those 150 calories than drink them.

Sometimes I'll purposely omit the "Diet" part when I do make the occasional mention of soda on a post to save myself the aggravation of listening to health nazis give me unsolicited advice about how my handful of diet drinks a month are going to cause me brain cancer.

Unsolicited advice ranks up there with poo on my list.

EXERCISE

was a really lovely post-sunset beach walk with the Man while my parents and the Monsters took Izzy and Honeydew for a neighborhood stroll. A somewhat powered casual walk punctuated by a few sprints to save ourselves the hosing from high tide on a short beach.

Dean has gone from bachelor to amazing husband/StepDean/dad in what seems like the blink of an eye with so much heart and so little resistance, and it's so nice to get him all to myself, if only for a short walk on the beach and a chance to hold hands empty of diaper bag and whatever odds and ends he's always taking off my hands.

SNACK

a handful of fresh dates (aka jujubes).

Followed by not remembering when or how we fell asleep for the night.

Ah, the joys of parenting an infant...

Off to brew an afternoon cuppa.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 5 (Friday)...

Deja vu.

Three days behind on a daily diary. I've been here before...

I often find myself torn between the part of me that keeps this blog for me, and the part of me that keeps this blog to share with others.

The first part would have been happy to write a regular, daily journal entry and be done with it, on time, without having to face tomorrow's disappointment that I'm behind yet again. The other part of me thinks it would not be a nice thing to subject the kind folks who read this blog to how truly mundane, banal, and uninteresting my thoughts are most days.

That said, Friday was a busier than usual day because we picked the Monsters up in Stepford rather than the usual midway point. Bad thing is it put us in the car for a couple of hours that we could have been doing something else. Good thing is it took me up to 99 Ranch to buy fairly fresh (and yes, farmed) salmon for $2.99/pound. And some head-on shrimp as well.

As well as some jasmine rice, sriracha, hoisin, fish sauce, Mama brand noodles, rice paper, rice noodles, and an incredibly good deal on a box of Kirin, which Dean and I both find quite refreshing on the kinds of hot, muggy summer days we've been having, even a stone's throw from the coast.

There's another 99 Ranch south of us in the same county, but it really isn't that much closer. It occurs to me that North SD county could really benefit from a 99 Ranch. Wonder why it doesn't occur to them...

BREAKFAST

Sometimes I really do make the most whack grocery shopping choices. I do not now and have never liked Shredded Wheat. And yet when I saw that big yellow clearance shelf tag that said *SHREDDED WHEAT $0.75*, I rationalized to myself that it would keep me regular for many days, for just pennies per day.

So I bought it.

And I put some bananas on it.

And it still tasted like a heap of shredded cardboard. With bananas on it.

SNACK

A handful of banana chips. I love those things.

LUNCH

was a roast chicken sandwich on Rosemary Asiago Focaccia with some tomatoes and and herb salad mix that contained arugula. I love arugula on my sandwiches. For the dressing, the rest of the lemon garlic crema I made for tacos earlier in the week.

DINNER

, because we got home pretty late from Stepford, was more of the same.

EXERCISE

Unless you call strolling the aisles of an Asian market for about 25 minutes exercise, I did not exercise on Friday. But I did have a conversation at the seafood counter with one of those talk out of your ass people who tried to tell me that I have better seafood shopping and restaurants in Oceanside than they do in Stepford. (There were other indicators of her talk out of her assness, BTW.) As much as I love my new home, I am a realist. And Stepford has us beat by several many miles in both those departments.

And since I only let that exchange go about 3 minutes before I smiled and told her to have a nice day, we'll say I did actually *exercise* my good judgment.

Off to try to catch up while Izz naps. (That sounds familiar...)

shinae

Back In Black - Day 4...

To everything turn, turn, turn…

As our family enters this new, expanded phase, a year of three unique meals a day most days, nearly all of them photographed, must come to an end.

I think it’s actually a good progression. I spent that year becoming a more agile, adaptable, and economical cook - learning my way around new culinary territory, figuring out how to sub ingredients that were easily accessible for others that weren’t, and fitting lots of what I think were pretty delicious and varied food experiments into a pretty reasonable budget.

And budget aside, it really was a wonderfully indulgent year in the kitchen. To be able to wake up every morning knowing that I could cook whatever my ingredients would allow to my heart’s content; to relax, cue my music, and take my time; and to know that I had someone who would share my dishes both with gusto and a critical palate.

But cooking isn’t the safest thing to do while wearing a baby in a sling. So this next phase is going to be a little more about being deliciously efficient – more quick and easy meal ideas and a greater focus on dishes designed for repurposing. But no less of an eye to good health, balance, variety, and satisfaction.

In some ways, I think and hope this will make my approach more relevant and helpful for more people. It’ll probably also give me just a little more time to write and further flush out my business plan. There are no dishes to wash after you write.

I’ve been quite blissfully aware just how much of a luxury my time in the kitchen has been for the past year, and I loved just about every minute of it.

Now I’m switching that luxury for another – the opportunity to watch this little one grow, to be as fully present as I can be, and to savor every moment of it.

Just like the song goes – a time to every purpose.

Now to carve out just a little more time for working out... :P

BREAKFAST

was a bowl of overcooked oatmeal with raisins, cinnamon, and brown sugar. I don't remember what else I was doing that prevented me from taking that crap off the stove on time, but it was bordering gross how overcooked it was. We both choked down breakfast with our coffee, mine without milk, and looked forward to a better lunch.

I go back and forth between milk and sugar and just sugar in my coffee, but I'm cutting the milk out these days because it really isn't giving me any additional satisfaction. The omitted calories are negligible by the day, perhaps slightly more meaningful by the week, but it's more about that whole mindfulness thing and really thinking about cutting out the things that exceed the point of diminishing returns, whether in terms of fueling my body or sating my palate.

LUNCH

was a fridge cleanout udon-ramen dealie with tofu, zucchini, carrots, and onion. I get asked from time to time if I use the whole seasoning packet with my instant noodles, given that they're usually such salt bombs. And the answer to that question is no. 

It's been a while now that we've taken to using maybe 60 to 70 percent of the packet. And initially the decision wasn't about the flavor as much as the feeling of it - we both were finding that we felt generally parched and bloated from using the entire packet. And that discomfort was outweighing any marginal extra flavor we might have been getting from the remainder, so we just started using less - not so much less that it felt like we were eating diet or hospital food, but enough to make the difference in the way we felt after eating - and our palates followed suit shortly thereafter. We don't miss the rest at all.

SNACK

was a handful of raisins and candied pecans.

DINNER

was another fridge cleanout dealie. A salad topped with the last of the skirt steak I seasoned for the Greek salad we had earlier in the week, the last of the strawberries, just about the last of the salad mix, Feta, and the last of the raspberry vinaigrette.

EXERCISE

was a no-go. 

No good excuse. (There usually isn't.) I just. didn't. But where I might have done this in the past, I'm not beating myself up for the failure. I've done a few things righter so far this week than I did the week before, and I'll strive to do even better next week.

Over the last 6 years, I've increasingly shed the notion that it has to be all or nothing, and that has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

I'm a day behind this journal, so off to write up Day 5...

shinae

Back In Black - Day 3...

We finally decided on a place for dinner last night - a new (to us) sushi place just two exits down the 5 called Nozomi. And we were glad for the find because our old local go-to sushi joint had been circling the drain on our past few visits - crappy, inattentive service, increasingly artless preparation of the food, and they'd begun gouging on the weirder stuff we love like uni and amaebi. But I'll stop here lest I should begin to sound bitter. We found a good, new, local go-to sushi place, and that, among other things, was good news. 

Dean and I only go out to dinner alone (which these days means with Isabella in tow in her baby sling) one or two times a month max, and the change of environment always seems to lend itself to really good and attentive conversation in which we can discuss how our days went, whatever interpersonal issues we're facing - whether with one another or with others, and whatever else, good or bad, is heavy on our minds.

Heavy on both our minds last night were our respective career paths. We've both gotten some good traction where work is concerned, and we're both also in the position of determining what best to do next in order to continue on a good path.

Although I'm not monetizing what I do right now, I very much consider it my work. And I look at this time without pay somewhat akin to a new business in its startup phase - not in the black yet, but establishing my product and marketing it through what I hope are the right channels. And yes, I am taking my time yet because I have this nugget to tend to and two older kids who deserve a greater presence from me now that I've been blessed with a life in which I can afford to give it to them and a husband who very much supports it.

So we talked over some sushi and beer and sake, and I decided for now that that local Master Chef casting call in October I was mulling over can wait. Maybe forever. Not because I have any idea of my chances of even making the cut in the first place, or how far I might progress in the competition if I do, but because I know in my heart that I'm not ready for, or even desirous of at this point, the possibilities that come with that kind of undertaking - not that level or kind of exposure, not the time away from my family, and not the temptation to get consumed by work should certain kinds of opportunities present themselves as a result.

Essentially, I've refocused myself with the help of the Man. And for now, I'm happy to keep doing what I'm doing in relative obscurity and to take a steady and organic route to that little PBS show of my dreams. I'm mulling over a couple of projects that would keep me closer to home and family.

Though it would have been nice to have a chance to swipe one of those nifty little silk squares out of Joe Bastianich's breast pocket...

BREAKFAST

was a soft scramble topped with a tomato and onion relish with a few thin slices of Monterey Jack.

SNACK

A handful of raisins. I think a handful is generally a good measurement for the kinds of snacks you can hold in your hands.

LUNCH

was a repurpose of that chuck stew from the day before. Three tacos a piece for the two of us.

SNACK

12 strawberries.

DINNER

A celebratory meal of mostly nigirizushi - salmon belly, hamachi belly, hotate, mirugai, uni, amaebi, unagi. Also a large Pacific oyster each, and some shared ankimo. I usually cut carbs at dinner when I want to drop pounds, but this was a special occasion.

And beer.

And hot sake.

I know what the blowhards say about hot sake being cheap sake, but I like it from time to time regardless because it just feels like a warm, buzzy blankie going down. :)

DESSERT

More of that cream cheese with strawberry jam.

EXERCISE

After beer and sake??

Tchah. As if...

Good thing we can get back up as many times as we fall.

Today's laundry day. Time to make like a domestic biatch and scram.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 2...

A mile and a quarter in 11 minutes, I think it was. And all I could think to myself as my belly and thighs were shaking like Jell-O in a quake was 

1) This is actually pretty fucking funny, and

2) Don't stop. Whatever you do, just don't stop. It's just a fucking mile, for fuck's sake.

And I didn't stop, so that was the good thing. The bad thing is how conditioned my body has become to thinking typing is exercise.

39 years old with lead legs and rickety knees... ri.fucking.diculous.

But at least I wasn't hungry.

Get it??

Ri.fucking.diculous hungry???

I kill myself so much...

BREAKFAST

was yogurt with honey and strawberries tossed in a little sugar.

LUNCH

was a fridge cleanout Spicy Chuck Stew over polenta made with chicken stock and a little butter.

DINNER

was a Greek-ish salad with skirt steak.

And a shallow pour of our go-to cheap white.

DESSERT

was a shared little slab of cream cheese (about 2 one-inch cubes) topped with some of the strawberry jam I made earlier in the day, which is kind of like that cream cheese guava dessert you can get in some Cuban restaurants. I love the sweet/tart/creamy/slightly salty thing, and just a few spoonfuls is pretty satisfying.

EXERCISE

, after dinner (I prefer not to go out during daylight because I have this lingering case of melasma), was that mile and a quarter, a hundred girly pushups, and some whole body calisthenics, which I find to be actually pretty effective if you're really disciplined about maintaining the right kind of muscle tension throughout your body. And then I got interrupted by a hungry baby at about 23 minutes of exercise and then fell in and out of sleep on the couch after feeding her.

Babies. They interrupt everything.

The Man got some good news at work today so we're thinking about going out to dinner to celebrate.

How many Robinsons does it take to pick a place to eat?

More than two, apparently.

Back tomorrow,

shinae

Back In Black - Day 1...

This is me about 9 years ago, when I was 30-ish. When I ran at least 10 miles most days, could actually do lots of real pushups, and got asked all the time at the gym how I got my arms looking that way.

I'm glad I have pics of myself from that time in my life because I'm pretty sure I'll never look like that again. Not that I think I can't - because it really isn't so difficult to look like that if you really want to - but more because my priorities and the things that fulfill me are very different now from what they were a decade ago.

It was a great thing to have pushed through physical plateaus and moments of discomfort to be rewarded with greater stamina and a confidence that I could keep pushing for more and better if I really tried. And I think it was probably also a necessary thing for me back then because my energy was so much more restless and unfocused. I had much less of a sense of the person I wanted to grow up to be, or perhaps it was that I wanted to be too many things... and all that physical exertion took my conscious thought away from all those things I wanted to do and be and forced me to be in the moment.

And I won't lie - it was nice to look that fit.

But having lived some interesting life and having checked some items off the bucket list that ended up being something other than I thought they were going to be, my energies and aspirations are much quieter and more focused than they once were. I'd really much rather be here mothering, wife-ing, cooking, writing, developing recipes, preaching the gospel of good food, and being comfortable in my squish than be that athletic, that strong, and that thin. However, I realize I have to temper that desire with the knowledge that if that's all I do, at some point, I'll cease to be comfortable in my squish and start to be self loathing in it.

I believe every phase or experience in our lives can be a teacher if we let it, and that period in my life taught me the patience and discipline required to achieve that body. These days, I just have to call on that patience and discipline to help me strike a better balance between that phase and this one.

BREAKFAST

was a bowl of Special K with chocolate (and nasty chocolate at that) with whole milk and a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. I'll not be buying that flavor of Special K again.(But the Man just told me he likes it, so maybe I will be buying that flavor again...)

LUNCH

was some Pasta e Fagioli soup with grated Monterey Jack and chopped fresh tomatoes and onions on top.

SNACK

was the last of that soup, only without the toppings.

DINNER

was a Sauteed Shrimp, Strawberry, and Candied Pecan Salad topped with some Feta and dressed with Raspberry Vinaigrette.

SNACK

,while watching The Real Housewives of New York, was more of that salad, only without the shrimp. (But I didn't take a pic of that salad so I'm just using another pic from dinner. :P)

I didn't think a NY housewife could irk me more than Ramona, but that Aviva biatch, who reminds me of Hotlips Houlihan only far less likeable, is giving Ol' Crazy Eyes a run for her money.

EXERCISE

Yesterday was so hot and muggy that I was thisclose to not doing anything at all. But if a little age has taught me nothing else, it's that a little bit of something good today is better than a whole lot of something good that you plan to put off til tomorrow, so I worked my core for 15 minutes while watching Sonja fall on her rich, drunken, white trash ass. And actually saw some result from it this morning. (When it's been that long since you've done resistance training of any sort, you actually can notice a difference in muscle tone pretty immediately.)

Off to clean house and decide whether it's leftovers or something fresh for tonight's dinner.

shinae

Back In Black - Prologue

I took a long look at myself over the weekend in the hotel's full length mirror and determined something:

I am officially fat.

I know some people will be quick to chime in that I'm not fat, or that I have an unhealthy body image. But I'm not fishing for affirmations, and we don't need to be PC about this. Barring truly unhealthy body image or body dysmorphia, when we say we're "fat," we just mean that we're carrying around more fat than is optimal FOR US.

And believe me - the disappearing waistline, the extra *donk* in my badonk, the creeping jowls that are threatening to slowly take over my jawline, the underbaked (read: jiggly) muffin top, and possibly the most annoying symptom - the rubbage of the inner thighs when I'm wearing a skirt, particularly on a hot summer day, none of which I care to picturize for y'all to see, and all attributable to FAT, are not optimal in any way, shape, or form.

I am fat. FOR ME.

And I could not squeeze my fat ass and thighs into a single pair of jeans I own to save my life. Not even the lives of my children.

So I'm taking to the blog to make myself accountable. Not to stick to some crazy restrictive diet or extreme workout regimen, but just to get back to a more active lifestyle and to practice the more mindful way I used to eat before it got a little too easy not to think twice about that snickerdoodle craving, or that beer with a weekday dinner, or that Drumstick that wasn't even supposed to be in my freezer but for the fact that my Little Asian Mama bought two dozen of them for the kids...

I'm not counting calories, not cutting anything out of my diet, not weighing myself, and certainly not planning to have a 6-pack at the end of 90 days, but I will return to eating more of what I know to be good for me and less of what's not so good for me. I'm also committing to at least 30 minutes of some kind of exercise 5 days a week, whether it be straight shot or piecemeal. And I'll be recording all my meals (kinda like I did for my $100/week grocery budget diary) and activity every day for at least the next 30 days.

And when I can zip this dress (which has held up pretty well for the past 8 years, I must say)

all the way up instead of just to my waist, with room to move (and more importantly, room to eat), I'll be...

Back in Black.  :)

shinae