Me Time

In an absolutely foolish but absolutely necessary act of rebellion against the good sense that tells me to sleep while the child does, I am brewing myself a full pot of coffee at 2:40 AM and stealing the next two or three hours of the kind of solitude a mother can only get when the household sleeps deeply.

I love that this pic makes me look like I ride broomsticks
and eat small children for dinner after I've braised them
in my cauldron.

And I am doing nothing designed or intended to be productive, responsible, forward thinking or useful.

And I am blocking that person who's been intermittently getting under my skin for months. One of those people who seems to get much more out of their interaction with me than I do with them and who makes my gut twitch half the time they express themselves to me, even without the most solid empirical evidence to support it. I am going to stop agonizing over whether I'm being fair to them so I can be good to myself. Because they are not my child, lover, parent, sibling or friend. Because they do not matter.

I am also letting this mess sit and not allowing myself a moment of that feeling of obligation to do something about it.

I am sitting here, being me, being awake, being useless and letting my mind be awake while my body wants to sleep because that is what I really, really want to do, here and now.

Adrenaline, be my friend today.

shinae