Back In Black - Day 4...

To everything turn, turn, turn…

As our family enters this new, expanded phase, a year of three unique meals a day most days, nearly all of them photographed, must come to an end.

I think it’s actually a good progression. I spent that year becoming a more agile, adaptable, and economical cook - learning my way around new culinary territory, figuring out how to sub ingredients that were easily accessible for others that weren’t, and fitting lots of what I think were pretty delicious and varied food experiments into a pretty reasonable budget.

And budget aside, it really was a wonderfully indulgent year in the kitchen. To be able to wake up every morning knowing that I could cook whatever my ingredients would allow to my heart’s content; to relax, cue my music, and take my time; and to know that I had someone who would share my dishes both with gusto and a critical palate.

But cooking isn’t the safest thing to do while wearing a baby in a sling. So this next phase is going to be a little more about being deliciously efficient – more quick and easy meal ideas and a greater focus on dishes designed for repurposing. But no less of an eye to good health, balance, variety, and satisfaction.

In some ways, I think and hope this will make my approach more relevant and helpful for more people. It’ll probably also give me just a little more time to write and further flush out my business plan. There are no dishes to wash after you write.

I’ve been quite blissfully aware just how much of a luxury my time in the kitchen has been for the past year, and I loved just about every minute of it.

Now I’m switching that luxury for another – the opportunity to watch this little one grow, to be as fully present as I can be, and to savor every moment of it.

Just like the song goes – a time to every purpose.

Now to carve out just a little more time for working out... :P

BREAKFAST

was a bowl of overcooked oatmeal with raisins, cinnamon, and brown sugar. I don't remember what else I was doing that prevented me from taking that crap off the stove on time, but it was bordering gross how overcooked it was. We both choked down breakfast with our coffee, mine without milk, and looked forward to a better lunch.

I go back and forth between milk and sugar and just sugar in my coffee, but I'm cutting the milk out these days because it really isn't giving me any additional satisfaction. The omitted calories are negligible by the day, perhaps slightly more meaningful by the week, but it's more about that whole mindfulness thing and really thinking about cutting out the things that exceed the point of diminishing returns, whether in terms of fueling my body or sating my palate.

LUNCH

was a fridge cleanout udon-ramen dealie with tofu, zucchini, carrots, and onion. I get asked from time to time if I use the whole seasoning packet with my instant noodles, given that they're usually such salt bombs. And the answer to that question is no. 

It's been a while now that we've taken to using maybe 60 to 70 percent of the packet. And initially the decision wasn't about the flavor as much as the feeling of it - we both were finding that we felt generally parched and bloated from using the entire packet. And that discomfort was outweighing any marginal extra flavor we might have been getting from the remainder, so we just started using less - not so much less that it felt like we were eating diet or hospital food, but enough to make the difference in the way we felt after eating - and our palates followed suit shortly thereafter. We don't miss the rest at all.

SNACK

was a handful of raisins and candied pecans.

DINNER

was another fridge cleanout dealie. A salad topped with the last of the skirt steak I seasoned for the Greek salad we had earlier in the week, the last of the strawberries, just about the last of the salad mix, Feta, and the last of the raspberry vinaigrette.

EXERCISE

was a no-go. 

No good excuse. (There usually isn't.) I just. didn't. But where I might have done this in the past, I'm not beating myself up for the failure. I've done a few things righter so far this week than I did the week before, and I'll strive to do even better next week.

Over the last 6 years, I've increasingly shed the notion that it has to be all or nothing, and that has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

I'm a day behind this journal, so off to write up Day 5...

shinae

Back In Black - Day 3...

We finally decided on a place for dinner last night - a new (to us) sushi place just two exits down the 5 called Nozomi. And we were glad for the find because our old local go-to sushi joint had been circling the drain on our past few visits - crappy, inattentive service, increasingly artless preparation of the food, and they'd begun gouging on the weirder stuff we love like uni and amaebi. But I'll stop here lest I should begin to sound bitter. We found a good, new, local go-to sushi place, and that, among other things, was good news. 

Dean and I only go out to dinner alone (which these days means with Isabella in tow in her baby sling) one or two times a month max, and the change of environment always seems to lend itself to really good and attentive conversation in which we can discuss how our days went, whatever interpersonal issues we're facing - whether with one another or with others, and whatever else, good or bad, is heavy on our minds.

Heavy on both our minds last night were our respective career paths. We've both gotten some good traction where work is concerned, and we're both also in the position of determining what best to do next in order to continue on a good path.

Although I'm not monetizing what I do right now, I very much consider it my work. And I look at this time without pay somewhat akin to a new business in its startup phase - not in the black yet, but establishing my product and marketing it through what I hope are the right channels. And yes, I am taking my time yet because I have this nugget to tend to and two older kids who deserve a greater presence from me now that I've been blessed with a life in which I can afford to give it to them and a husband who very much supports it.

So we talked over some sushi and beer and sake, and I decided for now that that local Master Chef casting call in October I was mulling over can wait. Maybe forever. Not because I have any idea of my chances of even making the cut in the first place, or how far I might progress in the competition if I do, but because I know in my heart that I'm not ready for, or even desirous of at this point, the possibilities that come with that kind of undertaking - not that level or kind of exposure, not the time away from my family, and not the temptation to get consumed by work should certain kinds of opportunities present themselves as a result.

Essentially, I've refocused myself with the help of the Man. And for now, I'm happy to keep doing what I'm doing in relative obscurity and to take a steady and organic route to that little PBS show of my dreams. I'm mulling over a couple of projects that would keep me closer to home and family.

Though it would have been nice to have a chance to swipe one of those nifty little silk squares out of Joe Bastianich's breast pocket...

BREAKFAST

was a soft scramble topped with a tomato and onion relish with a few thin slices of Monterey Jack.

SNACK

A handful of raisins. I think a handful is generally a good measurement for the kinds of snacks you can hold in your hands.

LUNCH

was a repurpose of that chuck stew from the day before. Three tacos a piece for the two of us.

SNACK

12 strawberries.

DINNER

A celebratory meal of mostly nigirizushi - salmon belly, hamachi belly, hotate, mirugai, uni, amaebi, unagi. Also a large Pacific oyster each, and some shared ankimo. I usually cut carbs at dinner when I want to drop pounds, but this was a special occasion.

And beer.

And hot sake.

I know what the blowhards say about hot sake being cheap sake, but I like it from time to time regardless because it just feels like a warm, buzzy blankie going down. :)

DESSERT

More of that cream cheese with strawberry jam.

EXERCISE

After beer and sake??

Tchah. As if...

Good thing we can get back up as many times as we fall.

Today's laundry day. Time to make like a domestic biatch and scram.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 2...

A mile and a quarter in 11 minutes, I think it was. And all I could think to myself as my belly and thighs were shaking like Jell-O in a quake was 

1) This is actually pretty fucking funny, and

2) Don't stop. Whatever you do, just don't stop. It's just a fucking mile, for fuck's sake.

And I didn't stop, so that was the good thing. The bad thing is how conditioned my body has become to thinking typing is exercise.

39 years old with lead legs and rickety knees... ri.fucking.diculous.

But at least I wasn't hungry.

Get it??

Ri.fucking.diculous hungry???

I kill myself so much...

BREAKFAST

was yogurt with honey and strawberries tossed in a little sugar.

LUNCH

was a fridge cleanout Spicy Chuck Stew over polenta made with chicken stock and a little butter.

DINNER

was a Greek-ish salad with skirt steak.

And a shallow pour of our go-to cheap white.

DESSERT

was a shared little slab of cream cheese (about 2 one-inch cubes) topped with some of the strawberry jam I made earlier in the day, which is kind of like that cream cheese guava dessert you can get in some Cuban restaurants. I love the sweet/tart/creamy/slightly salty thing, and just a few spoonfuls is pretty satisfying.

EXERCISE

, after dinner (I prefer not to go out during daylight because I have this lingering case of melasma), was that mile and a quarter, a hundred girly pushups, and some whole body calisthenics, which I find to be actually pretty effective if you're really disciplined about maintaining the right kind of muscle tension throughout your body. And then I got interrupted by a hungry baby at about 23 minutes of exercise and then fell in and out of sleep on the couch after feeding her.

Babies. They interrupt everything.

The Man got some good news at work today so we're thinking about going out to dinner to celebrate.

How many Robinsons does it take to pick a place to eat?

More than two, apparently.

Back tomorrow,

shinae

Back In Black - Day 1...

This is me about 9 years ago, when I was 30-ish. When I ran at least 10 miles most days, could actually do lots of real pushups, and got asked all the time at the gym how I got my arms looking that way.

I'm glad I have pics of myself from that time in my life because I'm pretty sure I'll never look like that again. Not that I think I can't - because it really isn't so difficult to look like that if you really want to - but more because my priorities and the things that fulfill me are very different now from what they were a decade ago.

It was a great thing to have pushed through physical plateaus and moments of discomfort to be rewarded with greater stamina and a confidence that I could keep pushing for more and better if I really tried. And I think it was probably also a necessary thing for me back then because my energy was so much more restless and unfocused. I had much less of a sense of the person I wanted to grow up to be, or perhaps it was that I wanted to be too many things... and all that physical exertion took my conscious thought away from all those things I wanted to do and be and forced me to be in the moment.

And I won't lie - it was nice to look that fit.

But having lived some interesting life and having checked some items off the bucket list that ended up being something other than I thought they were going to be, my energies and aspirations are much quieter and more focused than they once were. I'd really much rather be here mothering, wife-ing, cooking, writing, developing recipes, preaching the gospel of good food, and being comfortable in my squish than be that athletic, that strong, and that thin. However, I realize I have to temper that desire with the knowledge that if that's all I do, at some point, I'll cease to be comfortable in my squish and start to be self loathing in it.

I believe every phase or experience in our lives can be a teacher if we let it, and that period in my life taught me the patience and discipline required to achieve that body. These days, I just have to call on that patience and discipline to help me strike a better balance between that phase and this one.

BREAKFAST

was a bowl of Special K with chocolate (and nasty chocolate at that) with whole milk and a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. I'll not be buying that flavor of Special K again.(But the Man just told me he likes it, so maybe I will be buying that flavor again...)

LUNCH

was some Pasta e Fagioli soup with grated Monterey Jack and chopped fresh tomatoes and onions on top.

SNACK

was the last of that soup, only without the toppings.

DINNER

was a Sauteed Shrimp, Strawberry, and Candied Pecan Salad topped with some Feta and dressed with Raspberry Vinaigrette.

SNACK

,while watching The Real Housewives of New York, was more of that salad, only without the shrimp. (But I didn't take a pic of that salad so I'm just using another pic from dinner. :P)

I didn't think a NY housewife could irk me more than Ramona, but that Aviva biatch, who reminds me of Hotlips Houlihan only far less likeable, is giving Ol' Crazy Eyes a run for her money.

EXERCISE

Yesterday was so hot and muggy that I was thisclose to not doing anything at all. But if a little age has taught me nothing else, it's that a little bit of something good today is better than a whole lot of something good that you plan to put off til tomorrow, so I worked my core for 15 minutes while watching Sonja fall on her rich, drunken, white trash ass. And actually saw some result from it this morning. (When it's been that long since you've done resistance training of any sort, you actually can notice a difference in muscle tone pretty immediately.)

Off to clean house and decide whether it's leftovers or something fresh for tonight's dinner.

shinae

Back In Black - Prologue

I took a long look at myself over the weekend in the hotel's full length mirror and determined something:

I am officially fat.

I know some people will be quick to chime in that I'm not fat, or that I have an unhealthy body image. But I'm not fishing for affirmations, and we don't need to be PC about this. Barring truly unhealthy body image or body dysmorphia, when we say we're "fat," we just mean that we're carrying around more fat than is optimal FOR US.

And believe me - the disappearing waistline, the extra *donk* in my badonk, the creeping jowls that are threatening to slowly take over my jawline, the underbaked (read: jiggly) muffin top, and possibly the most annoying symptom - the rubbage of the inner thighs when I'm wearing a skirt, particularly on a hot summer day, none of which I care to picturize for y'all to see, and all attributable to FAT, are not optimal in any way, shape, or form.

I am fat. FOR ME.

And I could not squeeze my fat ass and thighs into a single pair of jeans I own to save my life. Not even the lives of my children.

So I'm taking to the blog to make myself accountable. Not to stick to some crazy restrictive diet or extreme workout regimen, but just to get back to a more active lifestyle and to practice the more mindful way I used to eat before it got a little too easy not to think twice about that snickerdoodle craving, or that beer with a weekday dinner, or that Drumstick that wasn't even supposed to be in my freezer but for the fact that my Little Asian Mama bought two dozen of them for the kids...

I'm not counting calories, not cutting anything out of my diet, not weighing myself, and certainly not planning to have a 6-pack at the end of 90 days, but I will return to eating more of what I know to be good for me and less of what's not so good for me. I'm also committing to at least 30 minutes of some kind of exercise 5 days a week, whether it be straight shot or piecemeal. And I'll be recording all my meals (kinda like I did for my $100/week grocery budget diary) and activity every day for at least the next 30 days.

And when I can zip this dress (which has held up pretty well for the past 8 years, I must say)

all the way up instead of just to my waist, with room to move (and more importantly, room to eat), I'll be...

Back in Black.  :)

shinae

Clean Carpets & Chorizo Chili - The Little Things...

As I'm sitting here getting our carpet cleaned, wearing a two month old in a sling with a nervous wreck of a wiener dog at my feet, I have to tell you - I AM EXCITED...

...to have freshly cleaned carpets.

That's the truth.

For some, maybe most, this would be the height of boredom, the zenith of mundanity, the death knell of that thing we call having a life.

But for me, having had one of those lives, the kind that pulled me in too many different directions and had my mind going at such a speed that I hardly had time to look down to even notice if the carpet was dirty, this is living.

Trying to keep four chrysanthemum bushes alive and succeeding 75% of the time, managing to eke 6 peppers out of 2 pepper plants, learning that I can safely stack upwards of 40 rinsed dishes on the right side of our really small sink, wiping down the kitchen floor with a wet rag and some diluted Fabuloso because that Swiffer crap is so sticky and overscented it makes me angerfied, making a weekly trip to the laundromat and being forced (in a good way) to get our clothes folded the same day they get washed, and feeling pretty good about doing those things the best I can even though no one's watching or writing me a paycheck for it, is living. And living well.

As is coming up with a rockin' Chorizo Chili recipe out of the odds and ends in the kitchen, some of them downright dregs, that makes the Man's chili lovin' eyes roll back into his head.

(FRICKIN' DELICIOUS) KITCHEN DUMP CHORIZO CHILI
Serves 6

- 1.5 Tablespoons oil
- 2 medium yellow onions, peeled and chopped into a 1/4" dice
- 1 large red bell pepper, cored and chopped into a 1/4" dice
- 4 jalapeños, minced (how to choose jalapeños)
- 10 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 pounds 80/20 ground beef
- 10 to 12 ounces of Mexican pork or beef chorizo (the kind you have to cook - the packages usually range from 10 to 12 ounces)
- 15 oz. can of tomatoes
- 2 Tablespoons tomato paste
- 2 teaspoons cayenne (or more to taste)
- 2 teaspoons cumin (remember, there's already quite a bit of cumin in the chorizo)
- 2 teaspoons chili powder
- 1 Tablespoon Tapatío (or other generally Mex-flavored hot sauce like Valencia or Cholula with a noticeable acid element. Tabasco will work in a pinch)
- 2 cups unsalted stock - chicken or beef
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt to start
- 1 or 2 (depending on how much beans you like in your chili) 15 oz. can(s) beans of choice, drained (I used garbanzos and ended up liking them so much in this recipe, I'm going to stick with them)

1) In a preheated medium pot (at least 4 quarts), sweat the onions, peppers, and garlic in the oil until the onions are translucent. (Probably 3 to 4 minutes.)

2) Then, turn the heat up to medium high, and, as the name of the recipe calls for, dump in the ground beef, chorizo, canned tomatoes, tomato paste, spices (cayenne, cumin, chili powder), hot sauce, and stock, using a spoon or spatula to break up the beef and chorizo, and give everything two or three gentle stirs to distribute all the ingredients evenly.

3) When the chili comes to a gentle boil (say a bubble per second), turn the heat down to medium low and simmer, partially covered (with a 1/2" opening on one side), for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

4) Add the beans and kosher salt and stir them in to distribute evenly. Gently simmer again (gently meaning that there's barely detectible movement under the surface), partially covered, for another 30 minutes, stirring and scraping the bottom every 10 minutes or so. Scraping the bottom is a good way to monitor if the heat is too high for slow cooking. If you can scrape fond off the bottom of the pot while doing a long simmer, your heat's too high, and you should adjust accordingly.

5) After 30 minutes, check the seasoning of your chili, and if you want to add more salt or spices, add them now, stir thoroughly a few times, and let it simmer again, partially covered for another 7 minutes or so. If not, it's ready to eat!

¡Buen provecho! Yeehaw! and all that,

shinae

For Posterity's Sake...

As I'm sitting here on Labor Day, having done a lot of nothing, watching Bourdain embark on his last season of No Reservations, I realize this is quick becoming a monthly blog at best, and much has been left unchronicled.

On June 27th, Google released a Google+ First Anniversary video highlighting a handful of users whom they thought were using the medium to do unique and/or interesting things, and I was featured second to last, right before the Richard Branson closer, and I thought that was pretty fucking groovy. I began focusing my home cooking evangelizing efforts over there in July of 2011, and it was really nice to see those efforts rewarded after a year of posting what I think is pretty solid food content at least a couple times a day, every day.

As a recovering impatient Type A personality, I'm proud of my dedication to the task without regard for recognition or compensation. It's not a thing of which I would have been capable a few years ago, and I'm grateful for the swift ass-kickings dealt me by life that taught me to acknowledge and accept my limitations, and to be satisfied to devote myself to doing one thing to the best of my ability.

What a trip to have someone clap that clappy thingy
in front of your face and say,
"Shinae - Take..." 

A couple of weeks later, I was written up in the local paper for the Cookalongs I host on G+ where I select a dish with the input of my fellow G+ers, provide recipes and other helpful information about how to make the dish, share some how-to videos, and then host the Cookalong on a set day and time when people share their experiences cooking the particular dish, and I field questions during the process. 

The Cookalongs really have become an organic progression from my original plan to provide low cost cooking classes to as many people as possible. At the moment, it's hard to think of a better way for me to accomplish that goal while garnering the right audience for what I want to do and fulfilling my desire to have a real connection with the people I'm reaching.

The very delicious, lightly sweet, and perfectly smooth buttercream icing on that cake was finding myself on the front page of the Food Section of the hard copy edition with none other than Julia Child on her 100th birthday. I have always loved her fearless and wonderfully irreverent approach to teaching people how to cook, and I think her integrity and dedication to the food over celebrity are nothing short of admirable. I can only dream of touching people the same way, but it's a good dream to dream...

And the biggest news of course is that on the 4th of July, the Pod decided a national holiday would be as good a day as any to make her grand entrance, and we named her Isabella Choi Robinson. Isabella because the Man and I fairly immediately agreed that we liked the name a lot when we were contemplating girl names early in the pregnancy, Choi because that's my maiden name and it seemed the fairest way to honor both my parents, and the Robinson part requires no explanation.

Call it intuition or perhaps a self fulfilling prophecy, but we were at a complete loss to come up with boy names throughout the pregnancy and didn't sweat it much because we both had a strong feeling Pod would be a girl. Dean perhaps because a drunken psychic once told him that he would have one child, and that it would be a girl - this before puking and falling down a short flight of stairs. Me because of a combination of women's intuition and this theory I have that boy babies markedly change their mommies' faces by way of the testosterone they carry in a way that girl babies don't. Sounds silly, but I have a pretty good predictive track record with it.

Izzy will be two months old tomorrow, and in these two months, she's taught me to slow down and be even more present for those little moments in life you'll never get back - her first smile and laugh in her sleep, her first smile and laugh while awake, her first attempts to tell me something with a contented coo or frustrated yelp - all things I missed when the bigger Monsters were little because I was too busy working, providing, planning, achieving, reaching, and generally always thinking I needed to be somewhere other than where I was.

And through their acceptance, love and very real tenderness and affection for their little sister, Joey and Maddi are teaching me to forgive myself for not having been the kind of mother for them then that I'm able to be for Izzy now.

It's been such an amazing year for me so far, and in many ways, it feels like a hard-earned reward for the payment of some very steep karma debts. It's hard to imagine being so blessed and wanting for more, so I think I'll just put my head down, keep on keeping on, keep being grateful, and see where next this path will lead.

shinae