On Trolls, Chickens & Happy Endings...

I've talked before about Faustian bargains, and how I hope I don't succumb to one in a big way. But I've been dealing with some internet community related issues lately that have made me realize that, in some ways, in...

- starting this blog under my real name,

- disclosing some very personal thoughts and facts about my life,

- adding my picture and a link to my facebook in an (albeit successful) attempt to more closely relate with likeminded people (not to mention to test my blogging chops), and

- essentially keeping my web persona very much connected to my real identity,

I have made my own deal with likely a few devils.

The Devil in this latest transaction is the almost always anonymous and apparently deeply resentful, perhaps even emotionally stunted, stalker-troll. Not to be confused with the average troll who stokes flames based solely on the singular scenarios set before them in a given thread or article, the stalker-troll...

- latches on to their victim for some reason that likely has to do with painful and unresolved issues (like never being able to get laid by Asian chicks no matter how much money you spend on those money-grubbing whores),

- digs as deep as the web and the capacity of their creepy stalker minds will allow into the internet presence of their victim,

- fantasizes that they now know their victim so well as to be able to make pointed, scathing, and of course brilliantly snarky observations about their character, and then

- shits in the fora in which their victim participates with their passive aggressive verbal diarrhea - indirectly, but very specifically, and armed with certain and damning (public) knowledge gleaned from their crafty ten-fingered research, slaying their victims - if only in their minds - with ad hominem attacks.

I knew going into this that they existed, and that as an Asian woman, I was likely opening myself up to all kinds of creepy, fetishist shithead shenanigans. But I won't lie. For a few minutes today, I had a bad case of the heebie jeebies and wondered for a moment if I should continue doing what I'm doing.

I don't really have an issue with people making judgments about me based on my writing, my background, or even my looks. It's only human, and gawd knows I do it all the time (sometimes accurately, other times not so much). But some people, apparently overcome with their own internal loser-monologue and the apparent sexual deprivation that is a natural consequence of that monologue, take it a wee too far for a decent First Amendment loving person's comfort.

And possibly the worst thing about what they do is that they do it anonymously, and ultimately, cowardly.

But then I realize that kind of behavior is par for the course for someone who hasn't the balls or the decency to own the self-hatred that propels them to say really rude, uncouth, and downright creepy things intended solely to injure someone else's psyche, all the while hiding behind a screenname. And I'm nothing if not a realist.

So to all you stalker-trolls of past, present and future, I know I can't stop you from choking your mental chickens thinking about ways to victimize people like me who own our sicknesses publicly, but I do hope you'll get some relief for your torture. I hear they offer awesome foot massages for next to nothing in Little Saigon.

And the best part is you don't have to pay for dinner at Mastro's before you don't get a happeee enddingggg!!! ^^

shinae