I'm on the 25th post and 139th day (that's almost 5 months! :/) of (what was supposed to be) this 30 post series, and I think it's a very real possibility, due to all the detours I've taken - holidays, house hunting and all that entails, other more interesting life - that this post probably finds me roughly the same size I was on post #1.
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| Bibim Bahp |
And if this process has taught me anything, it is that I am a very different woman today than I was when I had the 2 older kids in my late 20s. Back then, I would probably have met or exceeded this goal and 10 others in 60 days (or less).
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| Vietnamese "BBQ" Pork |
When I look back at how much more driven I was back then, in all aspects of life, I can see what was driving me: a quest for fulfillment, contentment, satisfaction, and ultimately justification for the big, life altering, and ultimately wrong life decisions I'd made. I achieved lots of things and kept hoping, almost subconsciously, that one of those things would make me feel like I had finally arrived in the right place. None of them did.
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| Fridge Cleanout Cold Noodle Salad With Salmon & Spicy Peanut Dressing |
But as I'm sitting here, in the right place, clearly unmotivated at this juncture to do what it takes to get back into the LBD (albeit plenty motivated to continue to cook, photograph, write, teach, and reasonably pepper that into family life), I don't miss the other kind of motivation one bit. I don't miss the blinding hunger and emptiness that propels you toward a destination that can't possibly be reached on the road you've taken.
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| Humba (Visayan Style Pork Adobo) |
I guess I'm just too happy, fulfilled, satisfied, and content doing exactly what I'm doing now (which includes occasionally writing about somewhat kinda sorta wanting to lose weight but not really doing anything about it) to change it up just yet.
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| Kalabasa at Sitaw sa Gata (Filipino Squash & Green Beans in Coconut Milk) |
That doesn't mean I'm going to scrap what I consider to be my generally healthy and balanced way of eating or my return to moderation after the chaos of the holidays and the stress of house hunting. That doesn't mean I'm not going to go running or do some yoga if/when life/time/spirit permit. I'm just deciding not to stress about doing much more than that for the time being where this issue is concerned. I am releasing liability and accountability for this one thing for now so I can free myself to achieve other things that really matter to me FOR NOW.
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| Atchara Inspired Salad |
So while the old me would have chalked this up as a failure, the wiser me has decided to scrap this blog series 5 posts short of what I originally planned so I can refocus the scattered energy I've been wasting on this momentarily untimely pursuit to better uses.
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| Lofthouse Iced Sugar Cookie - Valentine's Edition ^^ |
Because sometimes you have to cut the heat to the pot on the back burner so you can focus on making something really delicious out of what's on the front one. :)
shinae
P.S. The pics on this post are some of the fairly yummy and mostly healthy and balanced things I've eaten since the last post. I haven't been that bad... ;)
I just want to say something here. One of the biggest things that comes up on the weight loss community I'm part of is... Do what you can, in your life, with the time you have. Sometimes it means focusing on family and doing a few things to help yourself. Sometimes it means you get tons of time to work on you! Sometimes it means dealing with house issues, with health issues, with death, with new life.
ReplyDeleteAll of these things take time and energy, and time is a hugely limited resource.
When you find yourself with the time to focus on you again, fantastic. Until then, do what you can and focus on the things that are important. And understand when they shift. :)
Shinae, have you ever thought that maybe it is time to just buy a new LBD? I wouldn't say it is a failure, just a change in priorities...
ReplyDeleteTwój blog jest super ;)
ReplyDelete