On Choosing Beer, Sushi & Happiness...

If you've been with me over on G+ this past week, then you know I've hit a patch of general fatigue, restlessness and malcontentment from working at home while being a stay at home parent. And I think those patches are just part and parcel of the overall human condition, but that are perhaps magnified or protracted by the stay at home parenting thing.

Not that some of us can't be really and truly fulfilled in that career path alone, but that a lot of us choose it for the time being because it is the path that makes the most sense for our families, even if we have the option to do it differently.

beer +

Actually, come to think of it, I've taken the other option in a past life too. I've worked full time with others caring for my children while I was at the office, and I can say that the same frustrations arise when your desire to be a present parent butts up against pretty much all your other non-parenting desires and ambitions.

Add to that the general fatigue of having a little one who still keeps odd hours that are not compatible with your own odd hours, and you are bound to have moments. Moments in which you would like to escape your life for just a few moments. Not that you don't love your life. And not that you're not grateful. But just that you're frustrated. And because against your better and sound judgment, it feels like there is nothing to be done to change your situation.

To make it worse, a piece of you wants to wallow in that frustration until it wells up in your chest and makes you want to cry in a big, pathetic heaping pile of self shitty pity.

The truth is, sometimes, there really is nothing to be done to change the situation right then and there. Sometimes, in order to be good, happy, healthy and fulfilled human beings, we have to commit for a time to things that frustrate us because it is truly the best for everyone, self included, in the long run. Sometimes, without giving up on ourselves and our dreams, we have to have patience for our temporary situations because we realize that they are serving a very good purpose.

sushi =

And sometimes the only good thing to be done in those moments when you can't, and perhaps shouldn't, be trying to alter the root cause of your frustration, is to choose to allow some totally unrelated but totally accessible thing to make you happy in the moment and to make the necessary wait less painful.

It only took me 15 minutes of straight bitching, moaning, whining and downloading to The (Very Empathetic) Man after he asked what he could do for me to stop and look in his eyes long enough to see his genuine desire to help me through the moment by doing something, anything, to make it better. And to realize that nothing I was doing was helping or allowing him to help me and partner with me, through this piece of our life together.

It was only after speaking the same frustrations and annoyances aloud in several different words and crying into the dishes that I was so fucking sick of washing and running out of different ways to express the same nowhere leading negativity that I realized how tiring, and frankly tiresome, I was being. To both of us.

But I didn't want Dean to take Izzy off my hands while I left the house. I'd missed him all day. And I didn't want him to take over the dishes because my irrational compulsion to finish them, because I'd started them, wouldn't let me let him do the dishes. And in the end, I don't really want to go back to work in an office right now. I love being home with Izzy, and I'd be a fool not to cherish a second chance to cherish one of my children in a way life had not allowed for before...

But the road to Impossibly Unhappy is paved with those kinds of can'ts and wont's. And before you know it, you've set down so many stones, you're practically there.

So I had to pick something, anything, in that moment, and allow it to make me happy. And perhaps more importantly, to allow Dean to make me happy.

Beer and sushi.

That's never not made us happy.

And Dean was truly happy to oblige.

And I was happy.

For the beer and the sushi of course.

But mostly for the choice I made to let the beer and sushi and Dean make me happy. ^^

happiness ^^

shinae

Gingered Fig Jam & Finding Better Focus...

Every once in a while, I look up from G+ to realize I've left the blog unattended for too long.

Like today.

But posting on G+ is a lot like checking in at the office every day, while blogging is a lot like freelancing. The freedom and free flow of freelancing is nice, but when you're working at or from home, you need ritual, accountability, and instant contact with other human adults.

Well, I do. Specially now that my constant companions are a one year old and a wiener dog who are engaging, enlightening and amusing in their own ways, but no substitute for peer interaction.

The past few months have been totally mundane in most ways and totally extraordinary in others. Through many days of career fatigue, from both the working and parenting perspectives, I've somehow managed, or perhaps was forced, to be still enough to allow a broader and deeper scope of purpose to appear to me.

Because in all honesty, this focus on food was starting to stifle me a bit. Not that I haven't always loved food. Not that I don't love it now. And not that I won't always love it. Because I have, I do, and I will...

But spending pretty much every day of the last two years producing food-related content has made me realize that this is not all I'm about. More importantly, it's not all I was meant to do. And I really do believe we each have a true calling that awaits us when we're ready to recognize and accept it.

As we all are, I'm a human being on a journey - to be a better version of myself than I was the day before, and to leave Earth a better place than I found it. And to endeavor to do that with a sense of joy, humor, fun, intelligence, humility, integrity, passion, compassion, sensibility, balance and gratitude, in a full expression of my own uniqueness, and within my means, whatever they may be at the moment.

The food has been, is now, and always will be, a great vehicle for sharing this journey with others because it's such a huge part of all our lives. And by sharing the food, I've been able to create a little hub of commonality in this little corner of the interwebs where more than a few of us have come together to break bread, relate, cooperate, commiserate, laugh, co-conspire and co-inspire one another to improve our lots in big and little ways.

The privilege and honor of having been able to build this platform has been weighing heavily on me - in a good way - and has strengthened my resolve to make the best use of it possible while being true to myself.

Which is why I've been working harder to make each post matter - whether it be to share a recipe to make our days more delicious, or to remind us of a great song we haven't heard in a while, or to share a pearl of someone else's wisdom or the beauty of their words, or to inspire thought and discussion about issues that affect our lives, or to help preserve Earth for our kids and their kids and their kids' kids, or to magnify all the good little things to be found in each day, or just to elicit a little chuckle, or better yet a hearty cackle, to make the day go faster.

And I really do hope it shows.

This doesn't mean that I'm swearing off all self indulgent vents or Bravo TV related posts or that I'm not going to dispense the occasional GFY when I think it's called for...

But it does mean that I'm really trying to make this little hub in this little corner of the interwebs a better place than it was yesterday. I want you to come for the food, and stay for the community, the laughter, the little things, and a sense that we can all cooperate and commiserate while making some thing, any thing, better today than it was yesterday.

Like if you don't have any of this scrummy Gingered Fig Jam sitting in your fridge at the moment, you could make this today, and your tomorrow will certainly be better for it. (Well, if you love figs, that is...)

GINGERED FIG JAM
Makes roughly 16 ounces
Takes anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes depending on the water content of the fruit, the weather, and how thick you like your jam.

- 1 pound very ripe Mission Figs, stemmed and quartered
- 3/4 cup sugar to start (you may like it sweeter - I tend to like my jams a little less sweet than the average storebought)
- 1/2 cup water
- 2 Tablespoons maple syrup or honey
- 1 Tablespoon lemon juice
- a pinch of kosher salt (a little less than 1/8 teaspoon)
- 1 to 2 Tablespoons grated fresh ginger, depending on how ginger-y you like things. I find 1 Tablespoon to be subtle but easily detectible.

Since I don't can for long storage, I don't go through the usual canning sterilization rigamarole. I just wash a lidded bottle or plastic container with dish soap and hot water, thoroughly rinse and dry, and place the cooled jam in the container for refrigeration. It should keep at least a couple of months that way.

1) Place all the ingredients but ginger in a large saucepan, give them a couple of good stirs and place on medium heat until all the sugar melts.

2) Let the mixture come to a very gentle boil for 2 minutes or so before giving the jam a few good stirs and turning the heat down to not quite medium low.

3) Let the jam very gently simmer and reduce (that means barely detectible movement on the surface with the very occasional slow bubble), uncovered, for anywhere from 45 to 60 minutes, depending on how thick you like your jam.

4) At the halfway mark (about 20 to 25 minutes into the simmer) mash the jam with a potato masher or a fork to the desired consistency, and stir in the ginger. Continue to simmer another 20 to 35 minutes, stirring occasionally - every 10 minutes or so should be good.

Never let the heat get so high that you can scrape solids from the bottom of your cooking vessel. This will result in an oddly iron-like flavor to downright burnt flavor if the heat is way too high.

4) Give the jam a taste, remembering that it'll always taste slightly sweeter when thoroughly cooled than it does warm. If needed, add a little more sugar or maple syrup or honey for sweetness, a tiny bit of salt if the sweetness still tastes flat, or a teaspoonful of lemon juice if you want a little more tartness. Let the jam cook another 5 minutes after you adjust the seasoning, cut the heat, give it a few good stirs, and let it cool thoroughly, uncovered (you don't want condensation to water down your jam, which will also make it more likely to spoil faster), before putting it in a container to refrigerate.

Enjoy with yogurt, over cheesecake, with cheese and crackers, or cranberry orange scones, among other things.

And thank you so very much for the privilege of sharing my journey with you. :)))

shinae

Facebreak...

To say I've been agonizing over whether to keep my facebook account alive is a little dramatic and yet not completely untrue.

For the past year or so, my relationship with facebook has been like a relationship with a boyfriend in high school - breaking up with it on a Monday only to make a jackass of myself and get back together with it on a Wednesday and restart the drama cycle until I decide on a Tuesday three months later that we're not compatible, and I need some space, and it's not facebook, it's me...

This definitely looks like a break from something, doesn't it?

I conflated my presence and activity on facebook with real connectedness to friends I was afraid to alienate by ceasing an activity that I no longer enjoyed.

So, like the 16 year old me (who talked daily for hours on the phone with my friends after hanging out with them all day at school) would have done, I tried intermittently to get my friends to join me over on G+ so I could be with them all the time wherever in the social networking world I went.

And that was a fail.

Because people like what they like when they like it, and some of my friends just happen to like facebook right now, even though I kinda hate it. Just like they might listen to music, eat foods, watch shows, read news articles, and explore hobbies in which I have no interest, and which make them no less my friends, but which facebook is determined to let me know about in truly creepy stalker-like fashion anyways.

So I kept on going back in order to keep in touch with people who know full well how to get a hold of me outside of social networking (and vice versa), answering the subliminal call of that little red number that alerted me whenever someone said or did something that had about a .1% chance of really sustaining a relationship that should extend beyond the blue, white, and irrelevant ad littered confines of facebook.

With every begrudging login of the past few months, I was coming that much closer to the realization that I had become a servant to this thing that had ceased to serve me. That I was feeding my precious limited time and attention to a thing that no longer fed me. And not that social networking doesn't actually serve a great purpose in my life - just not facebook style.

So as a 40 year old woman with a marriage to nurture, a family to care for, a career to rebuild, friendships to further, and a self to preserve, I've realized that I should take a decisive and unapologetic break and reclaim however many minutes or hours better appropriated to the aforementioned.

My friends know where to find me, and I them. :)

shinae

On Sheryl Sandberg and Sitting at that Other Kind of Table...

I started out writing about how the child has not let me write for the past two weeks and how frustrated that was making me, but then I realized what a poor use that was of the very precious time I am being given at this very moment at 4:30 in the AM to scrape a few words off my tongue...

And what I really want to talk about is Sheryl Sandberg. Or at least the buzz phrases and concepts that have been swirling about her for the past couple of months.

To be clear, I don't want to be Sheryl Sandberg. She occupies a kind of space in the business world in which I've been able to partially participate but bear fairly full witness to over the years  - a high powered and aggressively driven kind of space where people, still mostly male, endeavor to move and shake things while wearing expensive suits and coordinating projects and "managing" people and creating deadlines (some of them legitimate) and power lunching and posturing and maneuvering and constantly seeking ways to be more productive, more efficient, more effective and sometimes doing really great things that benefit humanity in the process, sometimes not...

But if you handed me Sandberg's job and salary on a platter along with a chip that held the knowledge to do that job effectively that I could implant in the back of my neck at will, I'd probably go to facebook to see if anyone would be willing to trade me that platter for an all expense paid three month visit to certain parts of Europe (France and Spain mostly) for me and my family.

(Well, actually, if I really wanted to get the job done, I'd post it on G+, but I digress...)

Because my goals are very different from hers in so many ways. For one, she knows what hers are. She's the kind of gal who's got a very impressive bucket list and actually checks things off on it. I can tell by her hairdo. Me, I'm still wondering if I even need a bucket to contain my list once I've actually made it this time around. I'm thinking a shot glass will probably do.

For two, she likes leaning in to a testosterone dominated environment to balance it out with her brand of estrogen. Me, I'm happy to cheer for her on the sidelines because I have walked into enough meetings attended mostly by very serious East Coast corporate types in suits and ties that at some point start literally smelling of dudes sweating to outdo their competition, make more money, and WORLD DOMINATION MUAHAHAHAHAAA and I am powerless not to be knocked into a dead nap by the scent of all that manbition.

I was given many opportunities to lean in, albeit in a different industry and at a lower level, by the very type of progressive male mentor Sandberg says we need so many more of (Roger, you are dearly missed), and I learned over the course of a decade that I really didn't want to and that that wasn't the sphere of influence I was meant to influence.

But I also learned over the course of that decade that there are lots of women who really could have benefited those meetings and by extension the men in those meetings and of course their organizations at large if they had been presented with the same opportunities to lean in and make their contributions freely rather than to have to spend their energy and resources pushing and clawing just to have a chance to sit at the table. Women who by their nature were simply more efficient, more productive, more effective, more nurturing, more encouraging, more supporting, and more inspiring without having to read books about Chinese military tactics and disappearing cheese.

And while I have wondered in the past if Roger squandered that mentorship on me, I'm more inclined to think today that the sphere I choose to influence going forward will benefit from all I learned in that decade - about business, about how men and women function in business, about human nature at large, and about myself. I might also dare to think that the people who crossed my career path in that decade also benefited from my unique energy, thought process, and communication and work styles that I didn't have to suppress my true self or struggle to be able to express.

Not all of us women should be, or even desire to be, in Sandberg's position. And not everything she has to share with us applies to our chosen career paths, whether those paths be at home or office, salaried or not. But her message of balance and equality - in the home, in the work place, in the world at large - is one we can all benefit from leaning into a lot more.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 45 (Wednesday) & Something About Forests & Trees...

Where does the time go?

I can't believe I'm already on my sixth monthly Cookalong on G+. This Sunday it's Ceviche de Camarón y Arroz con Pollo.

As you might know, I poke fun from time to time at hokey metaphysical stuff like The Secret, but you know I couldn't make fun of it if I hadn't watched it before... :P

Here's the thing, though. I did learn a few valuable lessons from that video, one of them being that if you focus on the desired end result rather than mire yourself in thinking about the logistics that will get you there, the process will present itself. That is to say, don't lose the forest for the trees. Or perhaps more accurately, don't lose yourself in the forest for the trees.

My very first post on this blog was written on February 17th, 2011. And at that point, alls I knew was that writing and cooking were much needed cheap therapy after having survived the most difficult five years of my life to that point, and finally settling into a new chapter with the man who every day is being and becoming The Love of My Life. 

Wanting more than anything to emerge better and stronger from that experience, I found myself living in BFTemecula with Dean, nothing to do but cook, write, and be alone with the depth and expanse of my thoughts and emotions during the day while he was at work. And I would spend the next six months cooking and writing away all the residual pain, anger, and downright anguish of 

- having lived a long, harrowing bout of what is commonly known as mental illness (but what I tend in hindsight to view more as a breakdown, and then thankfully eventually a breakthrough, of the psyche), 

- losing just about everything I'd worked for for two decades in the process, then 

- going through a nasty divorce in which I lost custody of my two older children and pretty much left behind all the people, places and things I'd come to know during that eleven year marriage. Well, except for the love of the people who matter, thank Goddess... :)

I wanted to heal, and the Universe put me in a place where the most logical and reasonable thing for me to do was heal. Where it would have taken considerably more effort to dwell in my bitterness than to avail myself of the easy therapy of more free time and solitude than I knew at first what to do with, the kitchen, the keyboard, and the love of a man who was ready to take me on, all things and issues considered.

And as I began to step out of my past, I could begin to look to the future, to rebuild yet another aspect of my life: my career. And having already tried my hand at performing music, being a corporate drone, and running my own business teaching cooking classes and personal cheffing, I knew I wanted to return in some capacity to the thing that has always brought me joy and comfort no matter the season of my life: food. 

But this time, changed in so many ways by the preceding years, my consciousness awakened to a sense of purpose rather than just a paycheck, I determined that I wanted to devote this next stretch of career to sharing not only my love of food, but also my very personal approaches to cooking and eating. And having so determined, and seeking an effective way to do just that without sacrificing too much time away from my family, I was more than ripe for the suggestion by my friend Denise to give this G+ place a closer look as a platform to spread my own personal gospel of the benefits of making real, good, food with our own hands.

And so far, from sharing my daily morning ear worm, to writing blog length posts where I share recipes and vignettes of our daily lives Chez Robinson, to posting pics of all manner of things that make me smile, G+ has become the blend of the three things I have long wanted to be able to incorporate into my life's work: food, words, and music. Not to mention the very good and free attention it has brought to my efforts...

One year and eight months since that first post, and the doors continue to open for me. I figure my job is just to keep focused, keep working, keep being grateful and just not fuck it up. I have faith that the rest of the clearing through the forest will show itself to me somehow... :)

BREAKFAST

was more of those Strawberry, Dragon Fruit and Kiwi Smoothie-Shakes.

LUNCH

was a quick and easy yakisoba with King Trumpet mushrooms and daikon sprouts.

DINNER

was a Low Rent Oxtail Osso Buco with Calrose Risotto Milanese, washed down with a totally drinkable 2 buck Syrah from Big Kahuna.

EXERCISE

How many synonyms can a person come up with for "Yeah, right." anyways???

Off to get that ceviche recipe done and posted for the Cookalong.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 3...

We finally decided on a place for dinner last night - a new (to us) sushi place just two exits down the 5 called Nozomi. And we were glad for the find because our old local go-to sushi joint had been circling the drain on our past few visits - crappy, inattentive service, increasingly artless preparation of the food, and they'd begun gouging on the weirder stuff we love like uni and amaebi. But I'll stop here lest I should begin to sound bitter. We found a good, new, local go-to sushi place, and that, among other things, was good news. 

Dean and I only go out to dinner alone (which these days means with Isabella in tow in her baby sling) one or two times a month max, and the change of environment always seems to lend itself to really good and attentive conversation in which we can discuss how our days went, whatever interpersonal issues we're facing - whether with one another or with others, and whatever else, good or bad, is heavy on our minds.

Heavy on both our minds last night were our respective career paths. We've both gotten some good traction where work is concerned, and we're both also in the position of determining what best to do next in order to continue on a good path.

Although I'm not monetizing what I do right now, I very much consider it my work. And I look at this time without pay somewhat akin to a new business in its startup phase - not in the black yet, but establishing my product and marketing it through what I hope are the right channels. And yes, I am taking my time yet because I have this nugget to tend to and two older kids who deserve a greater presence from me now that I've been blessed with a life in which I can afford to give it to them and a husband who very much supports it.

So we talked over some sushi and beer and sake, and I decided for now that that local Master Chef casting call in October I was mulling over can wait. Maybe forever. Not because I have any idea of my chances of even making the cut in the first place, or how far I might progress in the competition if I do, but because I know in my heart that I'm not ready for, or even desirous of at this point, the possibilities that come with that kind of undertaking - not that level or kind of exposure, not the time away from my family, and not the temptation to get consumed by work should certain kinds of opportunities present themselves as a result.

Essentially, I've refocused myself with the help of the Man. And for now, I'm happy to keep doing what I'm doing in relative obscurity and to take a steady and organic route to that little PBS show of my dreams. I'm mulling over a couple of projects that would keep me closer to home and family.

Though it would have been nice to have a chance to swipe one of those nifty little silk squares out of Joe Bastianich's breast pocket...

BREAKFAST

was a soft scramble topped with a tomato and onion relish with a few thin slices of Monterey Jack.

SNACK

A handful of raisins. I think a handful is generally a good measurement for the kinds of snacks you can hold in your hands.

LUNCH

was a repurpose of that chuck stew from the day before. Three tacos a piece for the two of us.

SNACK

12 strawberries.

DINNER

A celebratory meal of mostly nigirizushi - salmon belly, hamachi belly, hotate, mirugai, uni, amaebi, unagi. Also a large Pacific oyster each, and some shared ankimo. I usually cut carbs at dinner when I want to drop pounds, but this was a special occasion.

And beer.

And hot sake.

I know what the blowhards say about hot sake being cheap sake, but I like it from time to time regardless because it just feels like a warm, buzzy blankie going down. :)

DESSERT

More of that cream cheese with strawberry jam.

EXERCISE

After beer and sake??

Tchah. As if...

Good thing we can get back up as many times as we fall.

Today's laundry day. Time to make like a domestic biatch and scram.

shinae

An Update On Me & Project Alchemy... :)

I've been away from here for over a month now, and though there is some guilt over my neglect of this thing, all things considered, I'm happy about the headway I've made in other places. Progress that I can ultimately relate and tie back to what I've been trying to achieve partially by way of this blog.

But since I have been away, let me catch you up on the development of things in other places. :)

I stopped posting here for a while
but
I didn't stop cooking. :)

Back in Fall of 2011, I had a few interesting clashes with some interesting characters I'd met on a certain food-related site that was a pretty big outlet for me where food was concerned. And I decided at the time that the outlet was not worth the agita I was getting from it, so I stepped away for a while. And I needed something to replace that repository for my energy, so I began spending even more time generating content for my G+ page.

Still making kimchi... ^^

And over the past few months, that has proven to be a really good use of my time. I get to share my love of cooking and eating good food in a format that sparks and encourages discussion and in which I can control the amount of trolling, negativity, and passive aggressiveness that often contaminate discussions in an open forum. I try to be reasonably open and open minded to other viewpoints, and I think I can fairly say that I give people more than ample time and opportunity to show that they're not coming from a malicious or toxic place, but I'll be damned if I tolerate shitheadedness just for the sake of being perceived as tolerant.

...and pancakes with homemade raspberry-lemon jam on top...

Then in the beginning of last November, I also decided that I wanted not only to earn a living with food again, but that I wanted to try to the best of my ability to provide some worthwhile community service in the process. And in that spirit, I started to outline the foundation for what I would eventually call Project Alchemy. And it might seem for those initially interested and supportive that that idea had been all but buried, but it wasn't. It's just that the more research and thought I put into the project, the more I realized that I would have to conceive of a different way to execute if it was to serve the purpose for others AND for ME that I originally planned.

And then later that same month, the Man and I found out that I am hosting an alien Robinson pod. Which also explains some of why it's been such a challenge for me to post unique content here - I've been flat out exhausted a lot of the time. Being preggo in your late 30s is definitely a different experience from being preggo in your late 20s. But we're about 20 weeks into it now, and I am finally starting to feel some relief from all those beginning of pregnancy discomforts. And if kicks are a sign of approval, so far, the Pod seems to like to eat sweet things and hot things. :P

We did also manage to get out of the house a few times...

And then after a year of occasionally debating if there's any real reason for us to get married on the books and finally deciding that it's more practical to give me and the Pod health insurance through the Man's work than outside of it, we got hitched earlier this month in a really sweet, fun, funny, and intimate little shotgun ceremony at the courthouse - just us and the Monsters. And that seemed to make the Monsters really happy, which in turn made us all the happier about it.

But all the while, I've been posting unique food related content, usually at least 3 times a day on both my G+ and facebook pages (albums here and here), sharing lots of recipes, information, and helpful hints along the way.

I also learned how (and how NOT) to make ebelskivers.

And that downtime has been good for me, because taking a break from trying so hard consciously to find a solution to my project dilemma has allowed my subconscious to find a solution. And if all goes as planned, my recently announced

G+ Cookalong

will become the better mousetrap version of Project Alchemy.

At this point, I can think of no better platform to reach as many people as possible, as conveniently as possible, and perhaps even as effectively as possible. This will give me a chance to share what I know about cooking the food I love with anyone with a sincere interest in learning and doing along with me, at their own pace.

And I think I found a better way to bring my perennial
big ideas to fruition. :P

And if I can reasonably cover my costs and efforts through donations and eventually cookbook sales, it will also be free for those who have more pressing needs for their cash at the moment.

And it's off to wash some dishes and come up with a good birthday dinner for the Man.

Thanks for reading. I've missed you! :)

shinae

100 DOLLARS A WEEK PT.2 - Day 17 (Sunday) & Something About Business Models In The Ever Shifting Paradigm That Is The Interwebs...

If I've been meandering and moseying my way toward a new career path, there is nothing like the idea of another mouth to feed to make you look a little harder for a somewhat sort of beeline to a paycheck. I know. Don't say it. A beeline to a paycheck, Shinae, is a JAY. OH. BEE. But I'm not talking about that kind of paycheck, and not that I'm above it if necessary.

But the question for me now is: How do I monetize what I do with food, by way of the web, when we're working within a paradigm in which so much good information is being given away?

And being personally put off as I am by all the personal branding going on, how do I create a viable internet business model that isn't driven by this sort of cult of personality that we all seem to be getting sucked into?

I've considered going back out there and doing in person cooking classes and catering and personal cheffing, but from a career development standpoint, I've covered that territory. And while it was fun and rewarding in many ways, there are so many aspects to that business that don't suit the direction I'm taking with my life at this point.

I have a hopeful and optimistic kind of feeling that the solution will present itself soon if I just keep my head down with the cooking and writing.

Roger always said, "Do what you love, and the money will follow..."

Yoohoo, Money. I'm over here. :D

And on Sunday...

BREAKFAST

for Mads were two goi cuon made with the leftovers from Saturday night, all the ingredients already accounted for but two sheets of rice paper.

For the rest of us, steel cut oatmeal with brown sugar, cinnamon, blueberries, and a pat of butter.

Oh, and I also had a pomegranate.

2 sheets of rice paper $0.10
+ a cup of oats $0.75
+ 2 cups of milk for the oats (I also used 2 cups water) $0.20
+ some brown sugar, cinnamon, butter, and a basket of blueberries $1.75
+ 1 pomegranate $0.25

= $3.05 FOR BREAKFAST FOR 4

LUNCH

was Joey's request for California Rolls and Miso Soup along with some homemade gari (GAHreeh) (pickled ginger).

And miso soup of course...

Some guy on my G+ page posted a comment on my Cali Roll pics to the effect of "California Roll is to sushi what White Zinfandel is to wine." I wasn't sure what that meant so I put it through the google foodiespeak translator, and the translation? I have a little dick.

2 cups of jasmine rice $1.00
+ 1 pound of surimi $2.00
+ 1 avocado $0.25 (GAWD I love the MexiMart)
+ 1 cucumber $0.25
+ some mayo and seasoned rice vinegar $0.25
+ 8 sheets of nori $1.50
+ miso soup fixings $0.50

= $5.75 FOR LUNCH FOR 4

DINNER

I decided to make life easy on myself and make some pizza using the whole wheat pizza dough from Fresh & Easy. Dirty Hawaiian for me and the Man (ham, pineapple, onion, and pickled peppers), sausage and onion for Mads, and plain cheese for Joe.

Pineapple and watermelon on the side.

whole wheat pizza dough $0.50
+ half a pound of cheese $2.50
+ some pizza sauce $0.50
+ 1 sausage patty $0.35
+ some pineapple $0.25 (the whole thing was on sale for $0.99)
+ some honey ham $0.50
+ a couple of pickled peppers $0.20
+ some fruit $1.00

= $5.80 FOR DINNER FOR 4

$14.60 spent on Sunday.

Friday 12/02 - $6.75
Saturday 12/03 - $15.80
Sunday 12/04 - $14.60

$37.15 spent in the first three days with four days left to go in the week.

I'm actually feeling pretty good today, and I'm optimistic about my chances of banging out one more post. :)

shinae

Project Alchemy - Introduction...

As I sat down to write this initial outline, it was clear to me that the ideas had been percolating in bits and pieces, sometimes consciously sometimes subconsciously, for a long time now.

Without further jibber jabber, I present to you the first draft of the mission statement and other vital kinds of information type stuff for PROJECT ALCHEMY.

______________________________________________________________________

project alchemy

helping families turn food into gold

Alchemy is the magic of turning organic elements using the four essential elements - earth, water, fire and air - into gold.

MISSION

To empower Americans through a grassroots approach to low tuition, multi-cultural cooking classes to:

- make more healthy, varied and delicious food choices,
- stretch our hard-earned dollars,
- create something we can feel good about, and
- return to the family table as often as possible.

SHORT TERM GOAL

To create a successful, easily duplicated pilot program here in Oceanside with and for our enlisted Marine Corps families.

LONGER TERM GOAL

To re-create the program wherever there is need.

IMMEDIATE NEEDS

- a kitchen facility in Oceanside equipped with the space and equipment to handle classes of at least 4 hands-on participants at a time including cooking vessels, utensils, and dishes

- 4 participants who meet the current criteria, i.e., enlisted military personnel and their immediate families

IMMEDIATE WISHLIST ITEMS
- donations of raw materials (ingredients), preferably meats, fresh produce, and spices

CLASS DESCRIPTION

The classes will cover a variety of dishes from a variety of cuisines, but always with a focus on using as much whole foods as possible and including as much fresh produce as possible.


Attendees will participate in all elements of food preparation, from start to finish. There will be focus on improving knife skills and cooking techniques with the ultimate goal of becoming a skilled, organized, creative, adaptable, and resourceful home cook.

While specific nutritional information will not be provided at this point, the goal as respects nutrition education is to encourage a sane approach to a healthy diet of moderation to include meats, vegetables, starches and grains, fruits, fats and other indulgences in healthy proportions.

CLASS TUITION

$10 cash fee per participant, per class.

*This is a grassroots project, hopefully entered into in good faith by all participants. It is my hope at this point not to have to essentially nullify the low-cost element or an efficient startup by having to jump through all kinds of legal, insurance, licensing and other bureaucratic hoops. I believe good people can be trusted to work together for the greater good without having to put unnecessary barriers of protection in place that in the end usually just serve to feed greedy mouths with no intention but monetary gain.

If you can help with any of the needs or wishlist items, I look forward to hearing from you either here on this page, or by email: shinae(dawt)godinez(at)gmail(dawt)com.

______________________________________________________________________

I feel pretty good about it as a starting point for discussion for any and all who would like to get involved. Your input is welcomed here (though the comments have been glitchy), by email, on facebook, or on G+.

Thanks for your support, everyone. It makes me feel empowered every day. :)

shinae

Request For Help - Please Send Good Juju...

Those of you who've been with me for a while now know that I've been wracking my brain to find a way to get back into the business of teaching cooking classes that is more in line with my present values.

When I did this the first time around, my head, heart, and life were in a different place. Back then, I wanted to see if I could come close to replacing a pretty good corporate sector income while doing what I loved and to see if I could have value in a marketplace where upscale foodie-types were the consumers. And I indeed found that I could. By charging affluent people and corporations to be their personal *chef* <wince> and/or to teach them how to cook, I was able to make a lot more money for my time than most people who work in professional kitchens could ever dream of.

And I needed that then. I needed to get that exercise in ego out of the way at some point in my life to be able to get to where I am now. And where I am now is at a place of sincere desire to do something good and useful with my gifts while making a fair wage that will enable me and my family to have some memorable and enlightening experiences together that require money to be able to do. I am super grateful that my partner in life is willing to resume responsibility for the necessities at the moment. And while we endeavor to live relatively humbly, we both realize how fortunate we are that we can get our needs met on his income.

So, we all know how we can try too hard to solve a problem that we can't see the solution that's right under our noses. And when that happens, we need a distraction. Well, my distraction came in the form of a couple of heated confrontations with online characters over petty online drama and vehemently opposing political views respectively that ate up way too much of my personal resources. But those confrontations did serve to redirect my energies for a bit - just long enough to stop thinking too hard - and then to snap me back into the reality that I have better things to do than get worked up over people who appear to try to find personal power in stirring shit.

But I will thank the second one for forcing me to re-examine and eventually reaffirm my values. Because were it not for their vile, wannabe-bourgeois mockery of the less fortunate, it might have taken me longer to remember what I wanted to do in the first place: to pay forward the kindness of so many people who helped me when I was in deficit - be it spiritually, emotionally, or financially - from an illness that was not of or from my choosing.

And the solution that was right under my nose appears to be this community that's right under my nose: a very large community of military personnel - many of them young, idealistic, and yet likely disenfranchised in some way, men and women who signed up for the possibility of combat duty for meager wages made all the more meager when you consider what is at stake for them.

Last weekend, I put up a request for help on my G+ page for a connection to the local Marine Corps community who would be willing to help me offer low cost cooking classes to enlisted personnel and their families. Before the weekend was over, I was given a name and a number for someone who is actively involved in that community and excited to help. Again, proof, I think, that the Universe responds well and quickly to our good intentions. I am so grateful.

From a career standpoint, I would like nothing more at this point than to see this idea come to fruition. I think it would be a tremendous opportunity to connect with and contribute apolitically to my community and to try to live up to the blessings I've been given.

Please send good juju.

shinae

100 DOLLARS A WEEK - Day 27 (Second To Last Day)...

Wouldn't you know the last week of this project I am bogged down with unseasonal heat and chick issues???

I really wanted to go out with a bang, but the heat and the exhaustion together have so far made for an uneventful kind of cooking week. Second to last day of this project, and we find ourselves eating ramen for the second time in a week.

A Honeycrisp apple peel rose - a byproduct of what little
cooking I actually did do today...

I've committed to building up my Google+ page a bit as I think the hangout function there could prove to be very useful when I eventually get up and running with the virtual cooking classes. Let me just say that I don't know how people manage so many social media sites at once because I have a feeling managing G+ and facebook on a daily basis is going to be the fulltime job I haven't been looking for.

In a preemptively splurge-y mood to congratulate myself for getting through this budget mostly on time, I have been researching places in San Diego to buy a slab of foie gras because that and oysters on the half shell with some mignonette and freshly grated horseradish have been on my mind for a long time. And I am pretty sure there isn't a place around here within a quick drive that I would care to pay someone else to prepare them for me. But then again, considering that it's highly unlikely that I will be able to buy just enough foie gras for two, maybe I'll try to find a place in San Diego proper that does a decent foie. The oysters I can source on my own...

But that little splurge aside, we will carry on with the same grocery budget - at least for the foreseeable future in which I am likely not winning any lotteries and still trying to find a way to monetize exactly what I want to do with food in a way that I can feel good about given all my little personal and philosophical quirks. For all the little budgetary sacrifices we're making and how relatively simple a life we are living compared to the ones we used to lead, I know how very privileged and blessed I am to have the luxury to think in such highminded terms about the career path I want to carve out for myself.

And I owe so very much of it to a man who has been so amazingly loving and supportive and emotionally generous from day one. If I told them what an incredibly good and decent egg you are, Dean Robinson, they might not believe me. Thank you. I love you.

BREAKFAST

Extra big bowls of Cheerios because there wouldn't have been quite enough left for another bowl...

   2 bowls of cereal with milk $1.00
+ 2 cups coffee $0.40

= BREAKFAST: $1.40 total, $0.70/serving

LUNCH

Leftovers from last night's arroz con pollo dinner for the Man. An apple and some cheese for me.

LUNCH: $0.75 for apple and cheese.

DINNER 

Yet more ramen and poached egg with some kimchi.

And then, inspired by a pic Kay posted of her dessert crepe at Lucques, I made crepes with spiced apples, bourbon soaked raisins, and vanilla ice cream.

   2 packets of ubercheapo ramen $0.40
+ 2 eggs $0.35
+ green onions & cilantro $0.10
+ 1 apple $0.30
+ 1 egg, some flour, sugar, butter, vanilla and milk for crepes $1.00
+ ice cream $0.60

= DINNER: $2.65 total, $1.35/person

Only $4.80 spent today. LOL. Leftovers and ramen. Reminds me of a much younger version of my life.

Saturday:  $18.15
Sunday:  $17.30
Monday:  $11.20
Tuesday:  $7.75
Wednesday:  $13.50
Thursday:  $4.80

$75.00 and just one day left in this project. I'm thinking empanadas tomorrow, but the heat might kill that idea...

shinae

Vietnamese Street Tacos - A Dedication To An Inspiration...

I, and many others, lost a dear friend and mentor yesterday. And though I paid homage elsewhere, I feel I should pay tribute to him here as well. Because were it not for his constant encouragement to return to my bliss, even during and all through the 9 years I worked with him in a mostly unrelated but somewhat tangentially related field, I might not be taking this road - one that has always fulfilled, engaged, excited and contented me more than any other career path - today.

Pork country style ribs, fish sauce,
brown sugar, soy sauce, onions, garlic,
and just a touch of vinegar to tenderize -
all braised until fork tender... YUMS.

All day yesterday I thought about what I would make for dinner to honor Roger's memory, and it really hit home as I was wracking my brain, wiping my eyes, and blowing my nose, that food was nowhere near as important to him as it was to me. I mean, he spoke of the occasional homecooked meal, but he talked about canned beans and Taco Bell and Cup Noodles just as much. (A throwback to less abundant times, it seemed.) 

That realization made his support over the years all the more poignant to me. It wasn't much to him, but he saw past his own interests, valued what food gave to me, and encouraged me to seek the fulfillment it offered, even at the indirect but obvious expense to his own profitability.

So I ended up making some caramelized and braised pork, Vietnamese style, to make tacos with, because that's what was in the freezer. Though it wasn't conscious at the time, it seems fitting in hindsight as we're getting ready to move at the end of the month, to make good use of what was left. 

Despite a position that allowed him much greater indulgence and extravagance, Roger always liked to keep it simple and humble. If a hotel was clean and comfortable, that was good enough for him, even when his East Coast peers often liked to insist on the *best* the company's dime could afford. Some days, if a bag of trail mix and a Diet Coke were all that were handy for lunch, then lunch they were.

A fusion between the Vietnamese food I love all the time
and the Taco Bell Roger used to eat from time to time...

And while I had lost my cooking palate to the sad news earlier in the day, it was as if Roger blessed last night's cooking session. Because those tacos, with the sticky sweetness of the brown sugar and umami from the fish sauce in the pork, the crunch and tang of the quick pickled onions and carrots, the heat from the habanero/cilantro/lime crema, and the freshness of the cilantro and crisp red cabbage were humbly, and simply, delicious.

I hadn't talked with Roger in several weeks when he passed, but I'd like to believe that, through a couple of bittersweet blessings yesterday, he was talking to me.

shinae