Back In Black - Day 17 (Wed) & Something About Priorities...

"Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life."

~ Brian Andreas, Enough Time

A friend gave me that print once upon another life. I lost it in the divorce, so to speak. It's sitting somewhere in a garage to which I have access, but which I don't care to access. I think she knew I needed it but was too kind to force the issue with more than the gift of a lovely piece of art.

Sitting here on a Saturday morning, writing about what I ate on Wednesday, I have once again fallen behind. But as I'm looking at my toenails that are starting to outgrow their last pedi and opting to write this blog instead of re-doing them today, I am reminded that it's about priorities.

I haven't written a blog entry for the past three days because this blog falls somewhere after husband, children, parents, re-learning how to choose friends, have friends, and be a friend, cooking, cleaning, social networking (where, in my own defense, I practically blog food three times a day), business planning, and catching the occasionally necessary nap, but somewhere before having cute toenails.

I think consciously establishing our priorities from time to time helps us to maintain balance. Going through the necessary assessments and cost/benefit analyses; reconciling our desire to do and be certain things with the understanding that not all the things we want to do and be are as rewarding, fulfilling, or even reasonable in the grand scheme of things right now as we might think without the benefit of proper perspective; stepping back and taking in a fuller picture of all our wishes and desires as against the full backdrop of both our abilities and our limitations; and finally coming to a good kind of acceptance that we can have it all, just not all at once.

BREAKFAST

A 2-egg scramble with porky product on the side.

SNACK

One of those Chili Lemongrass Meatballs I made earlier in the week, srirachafied.

LUNCH

A repeat of lunch from the day before.

SNACK

A bowl of cantaloupe. And then more cantaloupe. Probably a whole cantaloupe's worth...

DINNER

A leftover tri-tip salad with some crowd sourced Yogurt Feta Dressing. That dressing recipe - keeper.

DESSERT

One of those blasted Drumsticks. Shit happens.

EXERCISE

Does watering mums count as exercise?

Off to get some girl time with Mads and Izz.

Priorities. :)

shinae

P.S. Thanks, Catherine. 

Back In Black - Day 16 (Tuesday) & Something About Parenting & Moving Zippers...

Last weekend found me fairly occupied with my Picadillo Empanada Cookalong on G+ and the kinds of parenting issues that tend to take over the entire household for a while. The days following were a much needed decompression from all of it.

As the two older Monsters are getting too old to call Monsters anymore, I realize that those kinds of issues will be visiting our household more often, and I need to keep reminding myself that we often don't reap the rewards of the difficult life lessons we teach our children for years, sometimes decades, after they've caused us many episodes of heartburn.

Possibly the most challenging thing about parenting teenagers is remembering what it was like to be one - empathizing with what they're thinking and feeling, tempering that empathy with the knowledge that they need to be reigned in and refocused, all the while trying to relay your message in a way that will impact them positively, and then coming back to the realization that your mouth is moving, but they don't understand a word you're saying...

...and probably won't until they're 30...

...if you're lucky...

...but at least the zipper has moved up!

Day 8:

Day 16:

And since there are too many things on which I need to move forward, I'll not be moving backward to fill in the past 5 days. If you'd like to see what I've been eating during that time, I rarely miss a meal posting to my G+ albums. Still eating whatever I like, just less of it, and plating maybe 2 or 3 bites of food less than I was before I began this project, leaving the milk out of my coffee, having 2 or 3 drinks a week instead of 4 or 5...

BREAKFAST

I really couldn't be bothered to care about food yesterday morning, but I also hate feeling hungry, so I had two handfuls of almonds and raisins.

LUNCH

was an improvised Loco Moco with kimchi on the side.

DINNER

was Roast Lemon Herb Garlic Chicken with Heirloom Tomato Panzanella with a couple of glasses of our favorite cheapest of cheap whites.

EXERCISE

I think I've probably had about 2 hours total of some kind of physical activity over the past 5 days, mostly leisurely strolls through downtown Carlsbad and Encinitas, punctuated by occasional sets of 25 squats while rocking Izzy in her sling and a few sporadic sessions of flamenco manos y brazos, also while slinging Izzy outside for some fresh evening air.

I often find myself missing flamenco these days, which is kinda silly given that my zapatos are right there on the top shelf of my closet, pretty much waiting for me to put them on and stomp the shit out of some footwork whenever I want.

Not so easy with Izz in a sling, but possibly entertaining for her in a swing.

Last night's dishes call. Don't judge.  :P

shinae

Back In Black - Day 11 & Something About Hard Choices...

Forgive? Sounds good.
Forget? I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,

But I'm still waiting.

I'm through with doubt.

There's nothing left for me to figure out.

I've paid a price,

And I'll keep paying.

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down.
I'm still mad as Hell and I don't have time

To go round and round and round.

It's too late to make it right,
I probably wouldn't if I could

'Cause I'm mad as Hell, can't bring myself

To do what it is you think I should.

I know you said,
"Can't you just get over it?"
It turned my whole world around

And I kinda like it...

~ Not Ready To Make Nice, Dixie Chicks

Fall has long been my favorite season, but in recent years, it's also a reminder of people and events I'd rather not remember and the hard and lasting choices I made in the midst of them.

As I was holding Isabella at 2:30 this morning, it occurred to me that if Joey and Maddi were here with me during the week, this would be about the time I'd get up to make sure they weren't huddled in bed because they'd wriggled or kicked off their covers. Something, among so many things, I'd never seen their father do in all the years I was with him.

But the choices I made in order to eventually be in a marriage that was not only healthier for me but a better one to be able to model to my two older children cost me the privilege of being able to tuck them back under their covers on a weeknight, among so many other privileges.

It's too late to make it right,
I probably wouldn't if I could...

I'm not mad as Hell anymore, and neither am I sorry. But some good decisions come with hard consequences, and I'll keep paying.

BREAKFAST

More cereal. And coffee.

LUNCH

Kimchi jjigae with rice.

DINNER

I wanted a break from the kitchen, so we popped open a bottle of cava and ate some Church's Fried Chicken.  No potatoes or biscuits for me, though.

I don't think I'd ever no-carb it, but starches and refined sugars do seem to be the main culprit in weight gain for me. I can gorge myself on meats, vegetables, and a pretty good amount of fats, if I want, and not gain too much weight, but if I start packing in the bread, pasta, and sweets, I get fairly immediately bloated, and the pounds begin to pack...

EXERCISE

None yesterday, but that's ok. I continue to take more steps forward than back overall, and today is another day...

shinae

Back In Black - Day 10 & Something About the Subversive Genius of Real Housewives...

I don't think I mentioned the other day why I started a twitter account, but I'll come clean. It was solely for the purpose of dishing Real Housewives because, frankly, many of my friends are too cultured and decent to indulge in such schadenfreude and low brow entertainment with me.

But I don't think they give Andy Cohen enough credit for the subversive genius and brilliant social commentary that is the Real Housewives franchise.

Because as we watch the foibles of these grown women getting injected with Botox, spray tanning themselves (and their children), pulling 10 cent Don King words out of their waxed asses, referring to themselves in the third person, washing raw chickens with handsoap (thank you, Silje!), stabbing one another in the back, trying to shill toaster ovens to make a million dollars, dressing 20 years too young for their age, catching up with the Joneses, overestimating their abilities and exercising their hubris, coveting bling, shunning education, pointing fingers and calling one another names, throwing each other under buses, and desperately clawing for their 15 minutes of fame...

...the Real Housewives teach us not only that having money (or trying to look like you do) can't buy you class. But that it also can't buy you self-respect, confidence, graciousness, youth, refinement, self-assurance, value, self-worth, talent, dignity, enlightenment, a sense of achievement, self-awareness, fulfillment, peace of mind, happiness, completeness, or a fucking clue.

Oh. I almost forgot. And elegance.

It does however enable them to pay for people and things that help them lose weight.

They do have that on the rest of us...

BREAKFAST

was a 2-egg Greek-ish omelette. And lightly sugared coffee, of course. I don't think I'll ever  be able to bring myself to spell it *omelet* and I'm not quite sure why...

LUNCH

A bowl of pho tai (complete how-to here) with a side of hanh dam with fresh chilies. All that fresh, raw onion, chilies, vinegar - so good for the system.

SNACK

Half a dragon fruit.

DINNER

More pho with some pea sprouts thrown in in lieu of the bean sprouts I didn't have. I was really feeling the broth yesterday.

SNACK

The other half of the dragon fruit.

DESSERT

A shared fifth of a pint of Espresso Fudge ice cream. I much prefer having a pint or half gallon of ice cream in the freezer to having things like Drumsticks because I can indulge a taste - maybe 3 or 4 spoonfuls - without throwing anything away or feeling like I have to eat it all.

EXERCISE

About 15 minutes of yoga poses throughout the day, which probably didn't burn much of anything, but felt so damned good in that stretching everything down to the tips of your toes kind of way.

My arms are beginning to look ever so slightly less flappy. This is happy news.

Off to brew the afternoon cuppa and unfuck just a little more of the habitat.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 9 (Tuesday) & Something About Preferences...

So on Friday as we were checking out at 99 Ranch, our young Asian male cashier struck up a conversation with us about how he always sees Asian women with white dudes, how it's never the other way around, and how he figures Asian women must like white men.

And I think it was because his tone was more curious than bitter that we engaged, Dean jokingly wondering aloud if it wasn't really the other way around.

I just told him that I think most of us just love who we love without too much conscious choice over the matter. I mean, neither one of us has a history of fetishizing the other's culture or ethnicity...

But he seemed almost disheartened and discouraged, as if it were something about being an Asian male that made him undesirable to Asian females. So as we placed our bags in the cart to leave, I told him that it's not that we don't like Asian men - it's their mothers we're trying to avoid. Kekeke. :P

Mothers. It's all our faults.

BREAKFAST

was the last piece of flaugnarde with lots of lightly sugared coffee.

LUNCH

was a fridge cleanout naan pizza with tomatoes, parsley, Jack and cream cheeses with an egg put on it. A G+ friend jokingly asked me if this was going to help me get back into my little black dress. At the end of that exchange, we both agreed that moderation, not deprivation, is the thing.

SNACK

Plum.

DINNER

Some more of that Spicy Dwenjahng soup because it needs to get eaten before it goes bad.

SNACK

Two handfuls of toasted almonds with raisins.

Then some banana chips.

And the very last of some stew I made last week. Clearly I didn't get enough protein with my lunch.

EXERCISE

Another day of relative lethargy. Still sick hubs, getting sick babe. It is what it is. But I do plan to pick up the pace shortly. :)

Feels nice to be caught up if only for a day.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 8 (Monday) & PROGRESS!!! :)

As an Asian female on the internets, I am, as Gilberto calls me, freak flypaper. 

And for that reason, I am loathe to post this picture. Because some freaks can turn anything into dirt and perversion. Bare a little flesh, and I'm not only inviting it. I'm practically goading them.

But the freaks are an inevitable bad byproduct of what I hope is a good thing I'm doing, and this pic is hardly gratuitous. Why?

Because PROGRESS. That's why. :)

I wish I'd taken a pic on Day 1, but hopefully you'll take my word for the fact that I could zip my dress up about 2 inches higher this morning than I could when I started.

I didn't make any drastic changes over the past week but to cut out a few beers or glasses of wine, avoid eating the Drumsticks in the fridge that aren't even supposed to be there (not buying crap is 90% of the battle for me, and I never buy stuff like that but Little Asian Mama bought them for her grandkids, and Little Asian Mama does everything BIG), and take slightly smaller carb servings than I was getting used to for a while. I've been eating what I like, and not depriving myself of anything I truly want to eat. As for the exercise, if you've been following along, you know I haven't quite ramped up that component just yet.

Clearly I have a ways to go, but to whatever extent I can convince someone else that it's worthwhile to do just one thing righter tomorrow than they did today by posting this picture, I'm willing to contend with a few freaks I was probably going to have to contend with anyways.

BREAKFAST

was a slice of that plum flaugnarde I made for my mom on Sunday. If there's ever a good time to have a sweet treat, it's breakfast. You have all day awake to metabolize those calories.

LUNCH

was a Spicy Korean Dwenjahng Soup with rice. Some kimchi I made on Saturday night on the side.

SNACK

A red plum.

And then about an hour and half later, the last two very ripe bananas in the house with a little bit of peanut butter on each bite.

DINNER

was one of Dean's favorite meals. A Fra Diavolo-ish peel and eat shrimp using that pound and half of head-on shrimp I bought at 99 Ranch on Friday with a small piece of crusty bread.

SNACK

Another plum later at night.

EXERCISE

Sick hubs + cranky baby + exhausted me = my fat ass on either the couch or on my feet rocking Izzy and watching 3 hours of Housewives. Oh, and also starting up a twitter account. It's a shame chirping doesn't burn more calories.

It's kinda lonely when the Man and the Babe are both asleep so early. I think I'll go pester the social networks for a while.

shinae

Back In Black - Day 7 & Something About Moderation...

The mere idea of this happening is near inconceivable to us until it actually happens:

We are sushi'd out. :|

Between the Monsters' requests, our little celebration dinner, and my parents visiting and treating us to dinner twice in the past month and half or so, we somehow got fatigued on sushi.

And it was good sushi, mind you. But that didn't keep the sushi from feeling a little stale on Sunday when we went to dinner with my parents. We had just had enough. A lot more than enough, actually.

I've long believed that there is a discipline to being easily pleased, to keeping special things special. And it has a lot to do with moderation.

It's mildly shameful the notion that we are jaded on a kind of meal that, for just the two of us, often costs in one sitting what we spend on groceries for the entire week.

But at least now I'm reminded why we don't buy a lobe of foie more often...

BREAKFAST

was more Cinnamon Pecan Special K early in the morning while everyone slept.

I did make a plum flaugnarde for my Little Asian Mama's breakfast because she likes Frenchy pastry type thingies, but I didn't have any myself.

LUNCH

was the leftover poke (pronounced POHkeh if you didn't know) from Saturday with the last of the daikon sprouts.

And a thigh from the box of Church's Fried Chicken my mom brought over on Saturday.

Also some grapes which, as you can see from the shriveling stems, had been sitting in the fridge a little too long.

I stayed away from too much carby stuff at lunch knowing I'd have quite a bit of sushi rice for dinner.

DINNER

, care of my parents, was dinner at Sushi Gallery Miki in San Clemente. We found this place yelping for a new sushi joint within somewhat short driving distance, and we like their sushi quite a lot. 

But we were reminded on this past visit how much service can add or detract from the enjoyment of a well prepared meal. The last time we ate there, we had a cheerful, sharp, and knowledgeable server. This time, our server, while not unpleasant, was clearly out of her element in that setting, didn't know her sushi, and just appeared too overwhelmed (on a fairly slow night) to remember or process our requests. 

While as a human being I want to have empathy for someone who is struggling with the task at hand, as a customer, it's annoying to get subpar service. And while it doesn't keep me from doing my best to be pleasant and polite, it does absolutely take away from the deliciousness of the food.

Izzy on the other hand got excellent service. All comfycozy tucked into a sling and everything.

EXERCISE

After dinner, we walked around downtown San Clemente for about half an hour, me with Izzy in her sling.

We stopped and pored over a few menus on display on the sidewalk and found nothing too terribly enticing. But that's what happens when you're overindulged and jaded. You become hard to please. And you have to take it down a notch or two for a while or two so you can give a thing time to recover its sparkle.

The babe is beginning to stir from her nap.

Back later.

shinae