Forgive? Sounds good.
Forget? I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
Forget? I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting.
I'm through with doubt.
I'm through with doubt.
There's nothing left for me to figure out.
I've paid a price,
And I'll keep paying.
I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down.
I'm still mad as Hell and I don't have time
I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down.
I'm still mad as Hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round.
It's too late to make it right,
I probably wouldn't if I could
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as Hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should.
I know you said,
"Can't you just get over it?"
It turned my whole world around
And I kinda like it...
Fall has long been my favorite season, but in recent years, it's also a reminder of people and events I'd rather not remember and the hard and lasting choices I made in the midst of them.
As I was holding Isabella at 2:30 this morning, it occurred to me that if Joey and Maddi were here with me during the week, this would be about the time I'd get up to make sure they weren't huddled in bed because they'd wriggled or kicked off their covers. Something, among so many things, I'd never seen their father do in all the years I was with him.
But the choices I made in order to eventually be in a marriage that was not only healthier for me but a better one to be able to model to my two older children cost me the privilege of being able to tuck them back under their covers on a weeknight, among so many other privileges.
It's too late to make it right,
I probably wouldn't if I could...
I'm not mad as Hell anymore, and neither am I sorry. But some good decisions come with hard consequences, and I'll keep paying.
More cereal. And coffee.
LUNCH
Kimchi jjigae with rice.
DINNER
I wanted a break from the kitchen, so we popped open a bottle of cava and ate some Church's Fried Chicken. No potatoes or biscuits for me, though.
I don't think I'd ever no-carb it, but starches and refined sugars do seem to be the main culprit in weight gain for me. I can gorge myself on meats, vegetables, and a pretty good amount of fats, if I want, and not gain too much weight, but if I start packing in the bread, pasta, and sweets, I get fairly immediately bloated, and the pounds begin to pack...
EXERCISE
None yesterday, but that's ok. I continue to take more steps forward than back overall, and today is another day...
shinae
That cava looks perfect temperature and bubble-wise. And yes, you do pay in any separation. I still remember the every other Friday hand-overs of my little 2-yr old weeping and telling me he wanted to stay home. And then, later on as he got older, his brave, see-you-on-Monday face. And I only had to forfeit every other weekend and half school holidays with him, yet emotionally it still seemed like too much. So while I can't share your experience, I can and do completely understand your I'm still paying remark. But kids get older. And as they do, they get to choose with whom they want to live.
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